Thursday, August 14, 2008
wow. what an event. before i went i talked to a few people who'd already attended a weekend and no one could really explain what it was like. i thought they were being secretive but i realize now that it is unexplainable. there are a few surprises throughout the weekend that help to define God's love for you and it's best to keep them as a surprise. to enjoy them as they come and not to anticipate. for me that is very hard to do. my table leaders thought i knew too much about the event, but i think they were wrong. i only knew a few things about the make up of the event. i knew that there were attendees that had been there before, people who were there to serve the "pilgrims" during the weekend. i knew that there were talks each day that helped you to understand God a little better and to help you figure out where you are on your walk with God. and i knew a little bit about Agape. but, the outpouring of huge acts of Agape, the surprises, i had no idea about. they were huge. i felt God's love all around me. and i am positive that my experience wouldn't have been any different or less powerful, if i hadn't known those things. dave did a very good job of telling me enough to give my inquisitive self an idea of what i was getting into, but not ruining the surprises.
i decided to go on the weekend because i wanted to be closer to God. i wanted to make sure i was on the right track. i prayed a lot for revelation, for clarity, and i got it. i have found in my spiritual life that God will totally meet you where you are and give you what you need as you need it. He gently reminded me that my priorities were out of wack. that i was spending way to much time on things of little importance. so, i vowed to limit the time spent on those things, and to spend more time on christian study and taking care of my children, husband and home. not because i am their servant, but because that is how i serve God. by taking care of the blessings he has given me. i have also been struggling with feelings of being led by God to adopt a child. He keeps pulling me in that direction, it is strongly in my heart, but i keep questioning it. i try to reason with Him, we don't have enough space, or enough time, or enough money. but, still He pulls me. i know he will provide, but in my human-ness i worry about my abilities. during the weekend on sunday i was feeling homesick and missing my family very much. during one of the talks i found my mind wandering. i didn't want that to happen, i wanted to get as much out of the weekend as possible so i began to pray. i asked God what i could possible get out of that talk. what it was he had left to tell me that weekend. the idea of adoption came to me and my thoughts of doubt. i heard God in my mind say "Find Her". what? i questioned, really? i don't think you really mean it. how can i possibly? "FIND HER" i heard it again. there was no doubt. He really meant it. i don't know where she is. i don't know if she's born yet. but, i do know i need to find her. i need to give the problems to God and let him find the answers.
on sunday evening i wanted desperately for dave to be there to pick me up. i wanted so much to see him and talk to him about my experience and to hug him. but, they encouraged us to not use our phones, so i didn't call and ask him to come. although it was really hard not to. so imagine my delight when he was there waiting for me.
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